IN ‘HER’ MIND by Patience Fominyen

We women work so hard to keep relationships, harder than men, most often. We know that; we are certain about that. And it hurts when we ask what the guy does to makes things work…most often when the food and sex is right, everything else goes. Yes, we find that selfish, if only he thought a little more about us, things will be better. If we made more of a ‘couple’ than ‘singles together’ it will be extremely right but all those things have to work out and there is something really important we have to fix even before the relationship starts.

Come on ladies, set the record straight from the beginning. If you are cheaply gotten most often you will be cheaply treated all through the relationship. That is why today’s In Her Mind is

focused on how to be the ‘hard to get type’.

The hard to get type is the kind of woman a man loses sleep over, worrying about whether he'll ever get to win her heart? It is like the ultimate challenge he has got to win and if he does, you automatically become the prize he has won and he gets to treat you as such.

I know you are saying; things get to change once you say yes. It all depends on how real a ‘hard to get’ you are. You must be it and not pretend to be it. Let me explain;

The Value Key

It begins with valuing yourself. If you value yourself, it will show, and others will value you too. Valuing you means focusing on your own goals and activities - and less on every waking minute on some guy…even if you think you like him. That automatically makes you harder to get. Let’s make this clear, the opposite of being hard to get is desperation. Desperation repels others, and is revealed in a thousand subtle ways; all of which you need to avoid like the plague.

The Scarcity Point
Dear, the rarer something is, the more people think it is worth. True or false?! Ok, let’s take an example we can relate to; how many limousines can an average Cameroonian get to see rolling around their neighbourhood…uhhm?! Not even one in a whole year or even more. So asking them what they think of that car, will get a “whoa, I think that car is wonderful, it must be.” So you see; same thing with you and I. Except that we are not cars, but the ‘rare is unique’ factor holds.

Same thing in love, people tend to want what they cannot have! When things are hard to obtain, they seem more valuable. In simple terms, when you run after that guy you are crazy over, call him 3 times a day to say hi, drool over him in class, laugh every time he speaks (so he thinks he is funny); in an effort to get him to notice you, ask you out or love you will instead make him run away from you! Most guys prefer to go to the girl who is not all over them. Who is not pretending but really is!

Wake up girls, there are so many important things going on in this world and around you than boys. Yes they may be required, but there is education, religion, talent, intelligence, other distractions which are more time absorbing and definitely rewarding. So when you concentrate on gathering those things, the other things you need fall into place, like boys.

Its not about, hunting for men…hello…we are the girls, lets get hunted…give the guys their due. Also, recall that the easy catch is not as exciting as the hard one.

Now this is how ‘hard to get’ girls get the ‘hunter’ begging.

ü When He can’t stop looking at you

ü When he tries to show you off to his friends.

ü When he calls you during the day to see how you're doing.

ü When he acts so nicely – just for the sake of it.

ü When he will do anything just to touch you somehow.

Then, the ball is in your court! When you have tested his patience above all, and its rock steady; you will judge if he is worth beginning a relationship with. Because a man who can’t wait on what he wants does not deserve it (us in this case). But the main key in all this is not getting a man (even cheap girls get men) it is keeping that man. That lies mainly in keeping your value, still being scarce (so the discovery journey continues even in the relationship) and not forgetting to love him too. Then you will have a man asking for more, loving the hunt and above all loving you.

Isn’t that what we all want? So let’s make it a duty, ladies, to spend enormous amounts of time adding value to our own lives by learning and growing and the ‘goodies’ will come knocking at our door; especially him.